Falling for Desire

I know very little about fairly tales but there was a time I lived in one. Tonight I’ll tell you a story about a girl that wasted my time, the girl’s name is Desire, She was my neighbor then while living at Mary hill and she is my neighbor now in Katete, the capital of Mbarara.

Growing up, I never had a lot of things that actually interested me but there was one thing I treasured most, “my friends”, yeah, that’s right, my friends, I had so many of them but I still remember I had one in particular, his name is Ricky, I remember him partly because, though he was younger than me, I ran errands for him, Ricky sent me to tell Desire certain things, I think he just wanted to be a friend but God forgive me, I never told the poor girl anything, i also wanted to tell her the same things, she was a real definition of beauty with brains, God’s masterpiece, He must have molded her with some other type of clay or created her on some other day just before creation but sadly enough she knew nothing about these secret crushes, the first time I saw her, we were at church and after the long session, I noticed she was moving in the same direction as mine and it was then that I discovered, the little girl lived in my hood, I started making plans on how to meet her in person and what to say for example, My name is Mathew, Uhhhh, “Do you have a name or you want me to guess?” but all this went down the day I discovered she had a brother, I knew then that it would not get hard for me to know her name but this took me a full month, I made friends with the guy and later came to know almost everything about their family, the father was a Deputy at Mary hill and the Mother went to some secondary school to do I don’t know what but all I know is that she was not a teacher, anyways, speaking about Desire, she was different, in her family, she was the only small kid and if you took a close look at her siblings, it was obvious that she was a gift from God, they looked way too different, back at my crib, I was devising plans on how to frequent her eyes but I discovered there was one way, thanks to the genius minds but I had a plan, this plan would actually let me not only see her but also touch her hands without her noticing she did, you must be asking yourself, ” how possible is that?” but here’s the plan, I knew that if I discovered where she sat during Sunday mass, I would get the chance to always sit behind her and at that point during mass where we seek peace from strangers, I would touch the little girl’s hands, how brilliant!!, weeks flew lightly by and my plan was working so well only that after mass, she moved out of church with her parents and she did this for almost 4 years and all those years, I was crushing on her but the only thing I could ever tell her was, “Hi, how you doing Desire” for four damn years, actually I reached a point where I felt it was too much and I felt pain everywhere, in my heart, in my eyes and though I was a kid, I felt something so real for this girl, i started going to a different church cause i got tired of the same old pain of seeing her when i cant actually talk to her, I loved till I could love no more and the funniest thing was that, the more I loved, the more I feared to say it out loud and the more I pretended like everything was just too fine, this bad habit has moved on and on up to date, I need somebody to come and get paid to curb it.

I had her name written on my shorts in pen ink and my set equipment, rulers and stuff with her name embedded and whoever made an attempt to ask me what it was all about, I told them, she was a young sister.

One day, I was at the basketball court and she came over with her brother, they walked around and sat together on court seats as i was watching from a distance, I followed her to the school rooms where she used to revise from and i learnt to do something i had never done, to revise, it was something so hard to do till I saw her do it, they used to go to those classrooms and read, then rest and then go back and read, it was not a simple task but thank God i did it, i spent the first twenty to thirty minutes before sleeping every night, the day i saw her, thinking about her, i remember i went as far as watching America has got talent TV series and started practicing how to juggle just so i could meet up with her and show off my abilities, or maybe make her smile since then, if it wasn’t her smiling, then there was no reason to call it a smile, I did it but never got the chance to show it off, it helped me later in high school to be a celebrity in school instead, Desire was on my mind everyday, every hour and almost all my childhood friends knew something about her, I remember in Form one, i wrote her name behind the examination paper after getting idle since i was always the first to get things done, it read, “Desire Te Amo” a Latin word meaning I love you, i still have the paper here with me, scored a 76% in it and kept it for memories sake, my Agriculture teacher called me in the staff room later on and asked me why i had written the note and threatened to reduce my marks if I didn’t tell him straight away but i told him instead that it was just a number mate at the neighbouring girl’s school, we settled the matters and i loved the whole process that day just because it reminded me of someone I liked, notice that this was the fifth year though not the last from the time i crushed on the girl but never got to tell her, i always used to say she wasted my time till I discovered I had wasted a great deal by myself, up to now I don’t know whether this story has a lesson I should learn and if its there, then somebody else will tell me cause am afraid to learn from tragedy.

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Part two..Falling for wendy

She looked at me and smiled, I thought to myself then, “she must have loved the biscuits” Wendy thanked me for my generosity and to prove more, I had to help her carry her bag to the school van which would take each student to their own homes. I sat right next to her and to be honest, I had never traveled so fast back home like I did that day but anyway, I managed to talk for a satisfactory period of time, we talked about how we had been classmates but never thought about each other conversing, about her character, likes and preferences but the only thing that caught my attention was that, she had told me the next day she would go for prayers at Uganda Martyrs Church and that actually was enough for me to wait the next day and find her out of school.

That evening I came home overjoyed for the very first time in my life, Wendy had been my first crush and I felt I loved her, I felt it in my heart, body, even soul and every piece of me was being re-established in my body like a stressed muscle during a work out, I didn’t handle the remote on entering the room this time, I matched straight to my bedroom which was unusual and pretended to be writing and reading just to make Dad happy but truth be told, I was lost in thought, I was actually using my head to do something, to imagine, I thought about what it would feel like for us to be together, I even thought about marriage, that’s how being young can be interesting sometimes but anyway, that night was the longest night in my life, that night I never slept, that night I lay on my bed, listened to the radio and meditated like a monk in the mountains, when I say this I mean, I thought about funny stuff till my head was empty and now I could hardly think of anything, the point monks call a peace of mind.

Sunday morning I woke up overjoyed and felt energetic despite having spent the whole night awake, i moved to the kitchen where mum was preparing breakfast and said hello, moved out of the house to meet Dad who was just making a call to a friend, I couldn’t catch up with his long call sessions so I decided to go back to my room and choose my favourite clothes, guess where I was heading to, I was leaving for Sunday mass and i was leaving before taking my breakfast, I collected transport cash from the drawer and off I went,

At church, i met so many committed Christians going in to listen to whatever the priest had to say, that was not what i had come all over to do, I had come to satisfy my selfish needs, I had come to fill my eyes with desire and have a taste of passion, I was determined to tell her that day that, regardless of it being just one day, I had actually fallen for her, I looked around but could not picture her in any of the church corners and in compound, I even moved inside the church and I was determined to find her no matter what, I was determined to the point that I felt I should go to the altar and make an announcement but who could be that courageous at that age, I decided to wait on till mass was done and see through people coming out, my Dad had once told me that so many people come to church for so many reasons and mostly, people seek refuge in church when life challenges them and today, I was seeing it, I overheard a woman talking about her husband in such a way that she thought he had been possessed but I understood one thing, the man must have had money during their happy times in a relationship and now, he had lost it all and was too disappointed to the extent that he felt there was no point in coming to church, I saw beggars outside and kids from great families coming out of big cars, I spotted a young girl who came with a balloon to church and I felt like she must have been crazy but then I discovered later that the rich kids are just so weird since by the time mass was done, i had seen all sorts and everyone was surprising me their own way.

“Mass is over, go in the peace of Christ the lord” the preacher shouted out loud at last, this was the only line I heard the whole hour plus a few sounds from songs I didn’t listen to, I was too busy waiting for it to get done and here the lord had answered my prayers, I spotted Wendy in a pink dress at the exit with her mum, this discouraged me though I felt the satisfaction of having seen her in the first place, I was conflicting in my mind whether I should go say hello or let her go, it all meant that one of us was going to be disappointed and so the risk was high, the mother was not smiling at all, I mistook her for a rude mum but later along I discovered people just get hungry from church and just can’t wait to reach home and have something to eat.

This day, i decided to wait on her at school on Monday and had promised myself that I would tell her that I really loved her without thinking about the circumstances. I moved to the nearest supermarket and bought that same biscuits I had given out to Wendy the previous day and matched home crestfallen.

Falling for wendy

I really never enjoyed Saturday morning lessons partly because I wanted to stay home and watch street soccer on UBC TV and the famous Tupu cartoons, this time there was no way I could convince my mum like I always did,that I had low body energy levels or a flu or cough or anything, this morning I had to leave for school come hell or high water, I packed up my science book in my side bag and a small pack of family biscuits which Dad had bought the previous night, I matched out and headed for school but surprisingly enough, I was not late this time, I sat at the back seat as usual and waited on my friend Guma Derrick who was just as stubborn and playful as I was till a girl with pretty beads in her hair entered the room and filled it with silence, she was the beauty of the class and even blind students smelt her when she was in, Wendy Mellon was disastrously beautiful and it was disturbing how everyday she appeared prettier than the previous one, I was tired of promising myself to talk to her the following day so that day, I decided to talk to her even though it was the hardest thing I had ever done, I was the class comedian and I always stood in front of the classroom to make funny dance moves by Michael Jackson but that day’s move proved to be the most complicated, I thought for a while and thereon decided to give her my biscuits in exchange for a four minute conversation till the science teacher came in and interrupted as all students stood and lamented,

“You are welcome teacher Kakuba” this was the most annoying teacher i had ever met and it was only at International window school anyone could ever encounter such an annoying human being and trust me, I hated standing up, I hated this very minute and I hated the whole process, in fact I even hated myself because I was having a moment of my life that had just been stepped on and violated by appearances of undesirable people, I had to leave Wendy’s seat and head back to my own only to be met with the mischievous Derrick, he started asking me to explain the whole thing and I was not ashamed to say it was nothing, I never even felt guilty for deceit because to me, lying was the new truth and I actually enjoyed it, an hour and a half later, we moved out of class and good enough, I had hit the target, Wendy Mellon had delayed a bit in class and I was waiting just outside when we met face to face once again,

“Good morning once again Wendy, how how how how was the lesson?”

I was stammering and I had actually lost my precious English accent…..

To be continued

RELIGION AND SPIRITUALITY

Am tired of people knocking on my door talking ill about my religion “preaching their gospel” how do you expect me to give up something that has raised me this well, I have a problem and that problem is whoever tries to convert me, my religion has taught me to love my neighbor, to forgive, to share, to live and love, to care and more so to avoid all the bad deeds, it is my path to my spirituality and yet you claim it has nothing to do with spirituality, come on, momma didn’t raise me to believe something that has just come up to disrupt me, tell me something else like, Fresh Daddy is in love with spice Diana or Banyankole print their own money, maybe I’ll find such stuff interesting but please don’t speak ill about my religion

It is one thing to have a religion and another thing to be spiritual, yes, I agree, deeds and beliefs are different but my religion, you must understand is not an end, it’s a means to an end, its the road to spirituality and trust me it has done more harm than good, you always point out the flaws not the good side of it, we all have flaws because we are only human, even the great prophets made mistakes for your own information, you claim its nowhere in the Bible but that’s a vague argument, you personally have beliefs in your life that are nowhere in text, so please, don’t come back knocking on my door, am not chasing you, I surely never have ever but am just asking you one favour, please don’t come back to my block if all you want to do is criticise my religion. Thanks for reading

BEAUTY ISN’T EVERYTHING, IT’S THE ONLY THING.

Somewhere in a small town lived a nineteen year old girl, thin in stature but with big city dreams, all she ever wanted to be was a model, that was her presumed calling, it was actually her life business, all the other stuff was none of her business.

So what did she do?

She was living with her younger sister and mother until one day she was out of sight from the two, she had disappeared to a big town in pursuit of her dreams and left the past to take care of it’s self, the little girl had never been to school, not even for an afternoon class in her life but she was damn sure of one thing,

She was beautiful and nothing could change that

June, 2018 was not a tough year for the little soul as she had been in town and managed to “fall in love” with several photographers and company of interest bosses in exchange for fame, maybe she was paying the price for it, or maybe she was right that way but later on, luck had come her way and the girl in question had become an icon of beauty in the city, winning several beauty awards and so many were looking up to her,until the transition from fame to its costs affected her, she had become an alcoholic, took drugs and sleeping pills because she had gone so far as selling her soul for the industry and did not for a night get a good sleep, she had developed an allergy for the public and all she ever thought to be the most important things in her life were turning out as rival pursuits. She had made friends with agony, regret and anger, her little sister had gotten a village help scholarship and the mum had found a permanent job to maintain the small family needs.

Happiness to this girl was not found from the things she thought would provide it, for as a rule of nature, things do not change and human beings naturally want more,you buy a good car and soon you get tired of it because it stays the same and you get used to that so its hard therefore, to find happiness in material things as it lasts for a period of time, you can only create that happiness from within when you decide to be content and appreciate the good things in life.

Anyways, am not telling you about her fall but I can only give some simple advice through this story to small town girls as well as those from great regions of the country who come to big institutions, to think about their lives, to stop flexing with the old for green or anybody for pleasure and “lead a life” live like you love oneself no matter your physical appearance, family background, gait and personal beliefs about yourself, you are special and some can sacrifice their lungs for a minute to be like you, love yourself enough to let go of the things that will destroy your life. Thank you for reading, and hope you enjoy my next post.

“Follow your passion” is a scam

I start by asking some of you what your passions are, and am certain to get answers like jogging, skipping ropes, miming, reading books and writing of which most are simple hobbies, some are passionate about knitting and all you can mention but all am trying to clarify is that some passions won’t get you successful careers and you won’t find the promised happiness by passion bloggers, chasing something you won’t benefit from.

In his book, “So good they can’t ignore you” Cal Newport explains two mindsets, first the passion mindset and second, the craftsman mindset, he states that, the craftsman mindset focuses on what you can offer to the people or on job which then offers clarity and mastery while the passion mindset offers a swamp of ambiguous and unanswerable questions, whereby one looks at what they can get from the job, people develop passion on the way, am one hell of a boy who used to think I was passionate about law, basketball or even music but as the years go by and I try to look at all these, all I can say is its not true, some teachers, dentists, soldiers over the years have picked interest and loved what they were “dragged into” but this is all because of what you give and get out of your work which is far from the passion theory, business men have gotten money from selling their products and later loved what they do because of what they gain and soon after getting something you’ll gain, you will develop the passion, I promise.

Note that even King Solomon, the wisest of mankind, notes in the old book that you got to eat your food and love whatever you must do, so the best advice here is not to stick on the passion scam but to create mastery in your field and maybe through that, you can love what you do and develop passion as you look at how far your thing has taken you.

Lastly, I would love to tell you guys that In case you find a bright future in your passion, this is not a post for you, the post is for whoever is asking themselves what to do with their lives and looking for answers in their passions. ASK A DIFFERENT QUESTION PLEASE